RLL 55: Rainy Days and Recliners--The Importance of Perspective

Real Life Leading #55

Rainy Days and Recliners: The Importance of Perspective

THANKS to my best friend David for recommending this book to me!

This past week saw a couple of brutally rainy days where my family lives in north Alabama: flash flood warnings, soaked yards, dangerous driving conditions, etc. These were the kinds of days that make a person want to remain in pajama pants and just read or sleep all day. Unfortunately, we were unable to do that, especially since the end-of-semester exams are rapidly approaching. It would have been easy to be depressed or irritable about the weather and the work to be done, but fortunately I had a couple of great reminders this week about the importance of my perspective.

You see, this week I read two amazing books by Andy Andrews, called The Noticer and The Noticer Returns. In both of those books, the main character has an uncanny ability to help people gain what he calls ‘proper perspective.’ Inevitably, Jones (the main character) helps various people to realize that things are different than they had originally thought by helping people change their perspective. When that happens, they also see a change in their attitudes and eventually their choices. And that is the key today: how we think about and how we view our situation will greatly shape our future.

A kid, a book, a pup, and a recliner. This is a serious high-point of life in my world!

For example, if you’re reading this right now, there’s a great chance you’re reading it indoors: in a home, a school, or a business somewhere. This building has electricity, heat, and (obviously) internet access. These things that we take for granted are not as universally available as we often tend to think, and when we remember that, it helps us regain proper perspective as well.

By way of another example, let me share this: on my off days, I enjoy reading books in a recliner that my siblings and I gave our dad as a gift not long before he passed away. Since then, it has been in my home as a place of comfort and ease and memories. Often, to what used to cause me great annoyance, I would come into the den only to find that my recliner had been usurped by either one of my daughters or one of my dogs. One day, however, I was struck by the thought—and I can’t believe it took me so long to realize this—that Dad would have been happy for his recliner to be used not just by me but also by others that he loved. He would have preferred it, really, since that meant that more people were enjoying his chair. And ever since then it’s become my habit to say a quick prayer of thanks whenever my recliner is occupied, because it means I’m also surrounded by loved ones, even if they’re in my seat.

These books contain incredible truth and power. Give them a read!

The same goes for each time I see my wife or one of my daughters wearing some of my clothes, especially soccer gear: t-shirts, pullovers, hoodies, etc. I like my clothes and I like to wear them, but it makes me smile to see my wife and kids borrow them and enjoy them too. So instead of being irritated at not being able to wear a specific shirt on a certain day, I can be glad that I have loved ones around who want to borrow them.

Gaining ‘perspective,’ as Andy Andrews points out, has the power to change not just how we view our situation, but the situation itself. Correct thinking is the key to gaining wisdom, to seeing things properly, and to growing in appreciation for the gifts we have been given.

“The way a person thinks is the key to everything that follows -- good or bad, success or failure. A person's thinking -- the way he thinks -- is the foundation structure upon which a life is built. Thinking guides decisions. Thinking -- how a person thinks -- determines every choice.” - from The Noticer Returns

Action Step: This week, let us commit to right thinking and proper perspective. Make a list of situations that cause you stress or annoyance. Then spend some time thinking of ways to view the situation differently, to regain happiness or joy from the situation.

(For more info on this and how to change your thinking, be sure to go by www.beliefhacker.com and check out the work being done by my friend Dr. Bill Findley. #ThinkBetterLiveBetter)

RLL 54: How Gratitude Changes Our Hearts

RLL 54: How Gratitude Changes Our Hearts

My best friend, David, and me—just doing what we do at his wedding rehearsal dinner back in October.

I’ll get this out right up front: I am a short, short human being. I am 5’3” inches tall (that’s 160.02 cm for my metric-minded friends, according to Google), roughly the same height as Napoleon Bonaparte (at least according to British propaganda from the era) and much shorter than many notable celebrities that are considered ‘short.’ Also according to Google, the average American male is 5’9” tall…which puts the average American man as a full 6 inches taller than I am. Half a foot. Shorter than average.

I get hobbit jokes all the time from my students, elf jokes every Christmas season from the whole world, and short jokes from my best friend (who is 6’4”) and his family pretty much always.

As a result of my short stature, I’ve always felt frustrated at many aspects of life that average height men take for granted: getting things off of high shelves, washing my hands in public restrooms (which for me results in getting water from the counter top on my shirt right at belly-button level), etc. But here’s the thing: it could be worse.

When my daughters put heels on, they really are almost my height!

Over the past year, though, I’ve realized just how much I have to be thankful for, despite the fact that I’m roughly the size of a middle school student. And the more I focused on reasons to be thankful, the more thankful I’ve become. C.S. Lewis talks about a similar phenomenon in ‘Mere Christianity’ regarding how we treat others, and I believe the principle holds true for how we think of ourselves. Here’s what he wrote:

“When you are behaving as if you loved someone, you will presently come to love him. If you injure someone you dislike, you will find yourself disliking him more. If you do him a good turn, you will find yourself disliking him less…[W]henever we do good to another self, just because it is a self, made (like us) by God, and desiring its own happiness as we desire ours, we shall have learned to love it a little more or, at least, to dislike it less.”

I believe this same idea also applies to how we think about our situations in life: if we constantly focus on the negative, then the negatives only seem to grow. If, however, we choose to focus on the positives, then the negatives seem to fade into the background.

They don’t go away entirely (after all, I still need help getting things off of high shelves), but they’re not as big of a deal as they used to be. And they can even turn into moments of light-heartedness and fun, such as when my children get to laugh as I jump up to knock something off of a store shelf and then catch it before it hits the tiled floor.

I’m thankful that I’m short, because it means I get more opportunities to jump than most adults get on a regular day.

When my wife and I visited Cameron Indoor Stadium this summer, It was fun to see just how much smaller our feet are than those of former Duke basketball players.

I’m thankful that I’m short because not once in my life have I hit my head on a pull-up bar, a ceiling fan blade, or the top of a door frame (all of which my best friend has done).

I’m thankful that I’m short because the old “Jump, knock it off a shelf then catch it” trick made for a lot of laughs (and extra tips) when I was a bartender in college.

I’m thankful I’m short because when I played soccer in high school and college, I almost never got called for fouls because referees thought, “Surely that little guy didn’t actually knock that big dude over. He must have been diving.”

I’m thankful I’m short because it’s obviously how God intended me to be.

Action Step: This Thanksgiving week, in addition to just listing things we’re thankful for, I would challenge you to ask yourself how you might reframe your situation mentally (to learn more about ‘reframing,’ check out podcasts from both Bob Burg—https://burg.com/—and Jordan Harbinger—https://www.jordanharbinger.com/). In other words, think of something that normally bothers you or drags you down; then, examine how can you think differently about it so that it becomes an opportunity for gratitude.

(Bonus: For more info on how to do this, also go check out my friend Dr. William Findley over at BeliefHacker.com to learn how to #thinkbetter and #livebetter)

RLL 47: Mel's Mustang

Real Life Leading #47: Mel’s Mustang

This past week my wife made a surprise trip to Pensacola, Florida, to go see a couple of friends of our who were there. Because it was a short-notice thing, our friends paid for Mel to rent a car, and the only car available at this particular rental place (after the first place had no cars available) was a beautiful, almost brand-new 2018 Ford Mustang convertible…and MAN, was I jealous! Time for a little backstory…

Twenty years ago, my first car was a 1968 Ford Mustang. I’m not a ‘car guy’, familiar with all different makes and models and engine types; but I love Mustangs, and I always have. I also haven’t driven one since I sold mine right after my older daughter was born fourteen years ago. So when Mel got the opportunity to drive one to Florida, I will fully admit I was mostly just jealous.

Mel wasn’t at all sorry about getting to drive this car! Unfortunately, it looked like the weather might not cooperate with the convertible.

Thankfully, that only lasted for a few minutes, because of something that happened in my brain and something Mel said: first, God reminded me that because I love Mustangs, I should be happy that my wife also gets to experience the awesomeness of driving one. And second, almost as if on cue, my wife smiled and me and said, “Would you like to drive it to the interstate to see me off before I go?” Would I?!? So I got to drive the Mustang. And it.was.glorious!

What’s the point of all of this? The point is twofold: first, that our mindset makes a tremendous difference in our reaction to things in life; and second, that the stories we tell ourselves shape what we believe about our circumstances.

If we constantly choose to focus on the negatives, we will quickly become overwhelmingly negative people. The truth is, if you’re reading this blog on a phone or computer or other device, you live in a place that has better technology than most of earth, and you have access to that technology, as do I. We have more access to food, healthcare, and shelter than most people who have ever existed. And, unfortunately, we too often forget that and need to be reminded of it.

I’m glad she even got to put the top down after the weather cleared up!

During the summer of 2001, I spent three weeks on a mission trip to Honduras, most of it in a village with no electricity or running water. The people I met there were the most generous people I’ve ever met in my life, even though they were also the poorest in terms of material goods and ease-of-life. As a result of that trip, when I came home, I was more aware of the tremendous blessings we have. For example, after three weeks of using barrel-caught rainwater and a hollow gourd for bathing, I was thankful for hot, running water and access to a variety of food. These sound like simple things, but they shouldn’t be taken for granted.

By the way, the friends that Mel went to Florida to see? The reason they were there is because they had twins born twelve weeks early, and those babies had been in the NICU since the summer. Mel was meeting our friends in Florida so that the parents could both ride home together in the van with their kids (they also have a toddler), while Mel drove their other car back to Birmingham. After over three months in the NICU, the babies were on their first trip home. Their parents were filled with joy, and we’re glad Mel was able to help them out. As for me, you better believe that whenever I think of what they’ve been through, I hug my daughters a little tighter. I hope you all will do the same today.

Action Step: Today, make a brief list, mental or on paper, of things that you have to be thankful for. Then encourage someone around you to do the same, and see how it lifts your spirits and your hearts.