RLL 50: Are You Tough Enough To Be Kind?

Real Life Leading #50

Are You Tough Enough To Be Kind?

Sometimes kindness is driving a few hundred miles to help a friend who is far from home and dealing with new children. And sometimes that kindness results in the reward of getting to hold the baby!

It’s no secret to those that know me that I’m a huge fan of the Irish rock band U2: my older brother and my soccer coach introduced me to their music when I was in high school and college, and I haven’t stopped listening to them since. Their most recent album has a song called ‘13 (There Is A Light)’ which contains one of my now-favorite lines, and it’s the theme for today’s post: “Are you tough enough to be kind?” We don’t normally associate toughness and kindness, but we should. Let’s talk about why.

Sometimes kindness is as simple as helping your grandmother take your great-grandmother grocery shopping.

First, the Bible commands us to be kind in many different places, and when it does, the kindness is often associated with love and with forgiveness. For example, Ephesians 4:32 says, “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” We’re commanded to be kind and forgive, but forgiveness is difficult: it takes courage and a willingness to be hurt again due to our tender-hearted nature. This is where the toughness comes in.

Second, ‘tough’ doesn’t mean only an ability to fight back; often it means having the inner courage to simply walk away. As I tell my high school students: any toddler can pitch a fit, any child can throw a punch, any animal can fight back on instinct. It takes a reasoning mind and mature control of one’s emotions to be tough enough to be kind, to turn the other cheek and walk away.

Being ‘tough’ also means having the courage to stand up for what is right, to help those who are oppressed or marginalized, and to say things that may be difficult to hear. Earlier in Ephesians 4 (the chapter quoted above), Paul writes that we are to “speak the truth in love,” which means that we don’t shy away from difficult conversations: it just means we have them gently, with a tender heart, being concerned for the other person’s well-being. Now, don’t mistake ‘nice’, which might be unwilling to have tough conversations out of a desire to spare someone else’s feelings, with ‘kindness’, which would have the conversation in the most loving way possible. In the long run, having the hard conversation is the loving, kind thing to do, even if it’s difficult in that moment.

Sometimes kindness is not being “too cool” to hug your dad in front of your friends when he comes to have lunch with you on his off-day.

A good friend of mine named Phil Taylor recently said that, “Kindness is the practical outworking of love,” and I haven’t ever found it said any better than that. When we are kind, we are showing love to others. We are reflecting Christ’s love for us to the world around us, and we are thus drawing others closer to Jesus as well. This is not a new concept, nor is it one specific to Christianity. Many of us grew up listening to and reading Aesop’s Fables, one of the most famous of which is ‘The Lion and the Mouse’. In that story, in which a tiny mouse was once shown kindness by a lion only to repay it later despite the lion’s earlier condescension, there is a wonderful reminder about kindness. Aesop wrote, “No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted.”

In our world today which is broken and strained by anger and hatred and strife, kindness is revolutionary. Kindness is powerful. Kindness can change the world. And no act of kindness, however small, will ever be wasted. So today, show kindness to others; be tough enough to be kind. Because even if you think your kindness was unappreciated, you can be sure that it was not wasted.

“Whoever pursues righteousness and kindness will find life, righteousness, and honor.” - Proverbs 21:21 (ESV)

If you’d like to learn more about how kindness can change the world, be sure to email me or follow me on social media. I’ll be sending out updates and also making some pretty big announcements about upcoming events where you can learn more!

Action Step: Today, commit to doing at least two acts of kindness during your day: one to a loved one, and one to a stranger. If they ask why, just tell them you’re being kind and ask them to pass it on.

RLL 49: What We Learned During A Power-Outage

RLL 49: What We Learned During A Power-Outage

This past Sunday we had the rare experience of living in our home without power for almost a whole day. That morning someone in our neighborhood ran into and knocked down a power pole, so our whole area was without electricity from before noon until almost 9pm. During that time, we had some fun and I was reminded of three important lessons that I wanted to share with you.

1) It’s GOOD to unplug for a while. I know we all know this, but sometimes we need to be reminded of just how beneficial it is for us to disconnect from all of our electronics for a while. It’s good for us not just for its own sake but also for the opportunities it presents. For my wife and I, instead of watching soccer online (me) or doing some work for her job (my wife), we decided to go and play a dice game on our back patio, a game we got at her family’s reunion. We had a great time, enjoyed the fresh air and cooler temperatures, and were able to reconnect in a way that we wouldn’t have done if we’d been in front of our various screens.

2) It’s an opportunity for patience and understanding. Even though the power was out, life still had to happen, so that meant we needed to do things differently; and in our power-free world that evening, it also meant doing things more slowly. My daughter had lots of make-up homework to do, so we got her set up at the kitchen table doing work by a combination of candlelight and flashlight. For me, instead of typing or doing video work, I simply read a book on leadership that I hadn’t made much time for lately. It was an excellent chance for both of us to see that we can still get our tasks accomplished, even if we had to do them differently than we might have otherwise.

3) It’s an opportunity for creativity and family time. Again, with electronics off the table, we had a chance to do many other things: while my older daughter and I were catching up on missed work, my younger daughter spent even more time than usual reading. In addition to that, she and my wife spent extra time working on their performance for an upcoming talent show, and then my wife spent more time playing her ukulele. All in all, we had a wonderful time being in the same place, interacting in ways we wouldn’t have done if we’d had power.

There are three quick things I learned from our power outage, and they’ve inspired me to do a better job of turning off our screens even if the power is still on. I hope they encourage you along the same lines. There is something powerful and inspiring to me about working and living by candlelight, even if it’s only every once in a while; perhaps it’s the same with you.

Action Plan: This week, consciously plan out time to turn off the electronics and spend more time interacting and being creative with the people in your world. You’ll all be thankful you did.

RLL 48: My Best Friend's Wedding

Real Life Leading #48

My Best Friend’s Wedding

My best friend and me, goofing off and re-enacting a post from our younger days, before putting on our fancy clothes for the ceremony

Yesterday I had the privilege of standing up with my best friend as he got married, and during the ceremony and reception, I was reminded of a few important things that I wanted to share. First, that marriage is all about love and respect, as best told by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs in his aptly titled book Love and Respect: The Love She Most Desires, the Respect He Desperately Needs. Second, I was reminded of the privilege and joy and spending time with family and friends in celebration.

In Ephesians 5:22-33, after a discussion on the roles of spouses in marriage and about what love looks like, Paul ends by stating, “However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.” This verse is the key to Dr. Eggerichs’ book, and it provides a great reminder to all of us who are married; namely, that as husbands we are to love our wives sacrificially, giving up our own desires in order to serve, protect, and cherish them above ourselves. When seen this way, marriage is a reflection of the Gospel of Jesus, wherein Christ gave Himself up for his bride, the Church.

Yesterday’s ceremony was a wonderful reminder of what marriage is and the picture that it paints of how spouses are to reflect Christ’s love to each other in different ways. This is also a great reminder to us as leaders in general: we are to lead through service, through self-sacrifice, putting the needs of others above our own desires. When we lead this way, we honor Christ, and we also serve others out of love.

My sister and I with the groom at the reception!

After the ceremony, the reception also provided an amazing reminder of just how much fun it is to celebrate an amazing occasion! We danced, we ate, we laughed, we took pictures with friends and family, and we it was all done as part of an encouraging send-off for the newly-married couple. What joy it is to be able to share in those celebrations! We saw our favorite teacher from elementary school, my sister and mom and stepdad all came in from different states, and we had a very encouraging afternoon sharing in the occasion. This is also a great reminder to us that life can be joyous, and we need to celebrate it whenever possible. Life is a beautiful gift, and when we have the chance to share in such joy, we should embrace it.

I hope your week has been as enjoyable as mine has, and I would love to hear about it!

Action Step: This week, ask how you can better serve the people around you, and remember to celebrate the successes—large and small—that you experience!