RLL 47: Mel's Mustang

Real Life Leading #47: Mel’s Mustang

This past week my wife made a surprise trip to Pensacola, Florida, to go see a couple of friends of our who were there. Because it was a short-notice thing, our friends paid for Mel to rent a car, and the only car available at this particular rental place (after the first place had no cars available) was a beautiful, almost brand-new 2018 Ford Mustang convertible…and MAN, was I jealous! Time for a little backstory…

Twenty years ago, my first car was a 1968 Ford Mustang. I’m not a ‘car guy’, familiar with all different makes and models and engine types; but I love Mustangs, and I always have. I also haven’t driven one since I sold mine right after my older daughter was born fourteen years ago. So when Mel got the opportunity to drive one to Florida, I will fully admit I was mostly just jealous.

Mel wasn’t at all sorry about getting to drive this car! Unfortunately, it looked like the weather might not cooperate with the convertible.

Thankfully, that only lasted for a few minutes, because of something that happened in my brain and something Mel said: first, God reminded me that because I love Mustangs, I should be happy that my wife also gets to experience the awesomeness of driving one. And second, almost as if on cue, my wife smiled and me and said, “Would you like to drive it to the interstate to see me off before I go?” Would I?!? So I got to drive the Mustang. And it.was.glorious!

What’s the point of all of this? The point is twofold: first, that our mindset makes a tremendous difference in our reaction to things in life; and second, that the stories we tell ourselves shape what we believe about our circumstances.

If we constantly choose to focus on the negatives, we will quickly become overwhelmingly negative people. The truth is, if you’re reading this blog on a phone or computer or other device, you live in a place that has better technology than most of earth, and you have access to that technology, as do I. We have more access to food, healthcare, and shelter than most people who have ever existed. And, unfortunately, we too often forget that and need to be reminded of it.

I’m glad she even got to put the top down after the weather cleared up!

During the summer of 2001, I spent three weeks on a mission trip to Honduras, most of it in a village with no electricity or running water. The people I met there were the most generous people I’ve ever met in my life, even though they were also the poorest in terms of material goods and ease-of-life. As a result of that trip, when I came home, I was more aware of the tremendous blessings we have. For example, after three weeks of using barrel-caught rainwater and a hollow gourd for bathing, I was thankful for hot, running water and access to a variety of food. These sound like simple things, but they shouldn’t be taken for granted.

By the way, the friends that Mel went to Florida to see? The reason they were there is because they had twins born twelve weeks early, and those babies had been in the NICU since the summer. Mel was meeting our friends in Florida so that the parents could both ride home together in the van with their kids (they also have a toddler), while Mel drove their other car back to Birmingham. After over three months in the NICU, the babies were on their first trip home. Their parents were filled with joy, and we’re glad Mel was able to help them out. As for me, you better believe that whenever I think of what they’ve been through, I hug my daughters a little tighter. I hope you all will do the same today.

Action Step: Today, make a brief list, mental or on paper, of things that you have to be thankful for. Then encourage someone around you to do the same, and see how it lifts your spirits and your hearts.

RLL 46: Goals and Goals

RLL 46: There Are Goals, and Then There Are Goals

Happy weekend, everyone! I hope your week was excellent, full of learning and opportunities to show leadership. As usual this week, I had a great time teaching, coaching, living, and learning, and today I want to share a couple lessons I learned from coaching youth soccer that apply in other areas of life as well. The lessons this week are about setting goals, not necessarily scoring them in youth soccer games.

My daughters and I with two of my favorites! These two girls (one already a Division I player, the other on her way to becoming one) know from experience how to set goals and how to accomplish them. Also: YES, I’m standing on my toes in this picture!

As background: last weekend was the first soccer game of the year (if you read last week’s blog post, I mentioned it just a bit; if you didn’t you can go check it out here: https://reallifeleading.com/real-life-leading-blog/h2z6f5p2n8cc766t46jmf59r8jmtth). What I didn’t mention last week is that, though we had fun and worked hard, we didn’t actually play very well. And that leads to the main point of this post: if we are to improve, whether in soccer, in our family lives, or in our businesses and education, we have to honestly evaluate what we’ve done well and what we need to work on.

The first thing my team needed to address was our inability to play as a team, to work together. Lots of kids all running around doesn’t actually mean we worked as a team. As legendary UCLA basketball coach John Wooden said, “Don’t mistake activity for achievement.” We needed specific goals to work on this week, and they had nothing to do with actually scoring goals in the game. So, my first question for you is: what are your goals? Short-term, intermediate, and long-term? If you’re not sure, then you probably shouldn’t be surprised if you’re not making as much progress as you’d like. So, lesson #1 today: set goals! For more specific info about goal-setting, check out the excellent work being done by Jon Acuff in his book ‘Finish’ (https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01N4VVT1Z/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1). [And for the record, I’m not affiliated with Jon in any way, other than following him on social media; I don’t get anything if you buy his book. I’m just sharing it as a resource.]

If you want to learn more about why goals are important (but relationships are even more important), go pick up a copy of my book on amazon: https://www.amazon.com/Inverted-Leadership-Others-Forgetting-Yourself/dp/1983110167/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1528802141&sr=8-1.

The second lesson for today, and this is just as important: celebrate when your team does well. When you reach certain milestones along the way, celebrate them! I spoke with the players at halftime of our game yesterday, and I asked them to remind me what we had worked on at practice. They were able to tell me, and so then I asked them if they felt that we had done those things better in our game. Every one of them said yes, and so I said, “You’re right, you’ve played great this morning!” They got excited, they continued to work hard, and if possible, we played even better in the second half of the game. When we see that we are making progress toward our goals, in encourages us to continue working to achieve more. Whether that’s in sales, in speaking, with grades in school, or with losing weight, we need to celebrate when we accomplish tasks.

The best compliment I received after the game was from one parent who said, “The season in our league is so short that we normally don’t see real improvement from the team and players until the final week. We’re only in week two, and the kids played so much better!” That made me smile as a coach, and I’m already excited about sharing that compliment with our players at practice this week. I hope that your week is also successful and that you see results as you move closer to your goals!

Action Step: This week, set some goals that are reasonable, measurable, and attainable, and then celebrate as you work your way toward accomplishing them. Then email me and let me know how it’s going!

As always, be sure to share this with friends, and also be sure to check out my latest media mentions and podcast interviews:

Media: https://theperfectinvestor.com/2018/08/joel-hawbaker-of-real-life-leading-discusses-confident-humility-on-influential-entrepreneurs-radio-show-with-mike-saunders/

Podcast interview: https://soundcloud.com/user-461894793/episode-26-humility-with-guest

Beginnings and Endings

RLL 45: Beginnings and Endings

Happy Sunday, everyone, and I hope you’ve had an amazing week! Mine was quite busy (as usual), and I’m excited to share with you some of the experiences I had and also some of the lessons I learned.

My younger daughter and I, back when she was still too young to play in our local league.

Each fall for most of the last decade, one or both of my daughters has played soccer in our local church’s youth league, and I have been their coach. Yesterday, my older daughter got her first experience as a referee in the same league, and my younger daughter is now in her last season of eligibility before she ages out of the program. This is a time transition for them and for me, as they continue to get older.

Thankfully, yesterday I had an opportunity to be reminded of why I have spent so much time coaching youth soccer (and especially my daughters’ teams). Each season I tell the parents that I have three goals for our team, and none of them involve winning soccer games. You may ask why we play, if not to win; well, please don’t misunderstand me: I LOVE to win. At anything and everything. But when it comes to youth sports, winning is not the main thing. For me, youth sports involve the three goals I referenced above: 1) I want the kids to HAVE FUN, because if they do, they’ll continue playing and they’ll enjoy themselves at each practice and game; 2) I want the kids to LEARN something about the game, because then I know I’ve done my job at each practice and game; and 3) I want the kids to WORK hard, because then their parents are happy!

None of those three goals involves winning a soccer game, but if we do those things each and every time we play, then our season will be a success. These kids are 9-11 years old, so no one is winning scholarships or awards or anything like that; so winning games shouldn’t be our main focus. What we are there to do is to teach character through competition. We still keep score, and there is a tournament at the end of the season whose winner gets a trophy. So the competition is very real; but it’s also a great reminder that winning is not the ultimate end.

My younger daughter and I yesterday, on her last “First Day” of the season. Time flies!

For anyone who is competitive, though, the temptation to “win at all costs” is always there: in youth soccer, in life, in business, and everywhere else. What I’ve found is that coaching youth soccer is as much about character development for myself (and the other coaches and parents) as it is for the children. How often have we witnessed parents yelling horrible things at each other or at officials, over a game being played by kids in elementary school? I know myself well enough to know that I have the potential to be that parent, if my emotions aren’t kept in check. That’s not fun to admit, but I do know it’s true. So for me, coaching the kids is about helping them, and it’s about helping myself grow.

What’s the point? Just this: we all need to continue to foster growth in ourselves, and one of the best ways to do that is to help others grow. It’s hard to expect children to do well if we are setting a poor example. And when we do mess up, it’s important that we set a good example in how to apologize, ask forgiveness, and try to make things right (and I had an opportunity to do those things yesterday, too; not something I’m proud of).

This week, ask yourself two questions: 1) how am I continuing to develop my own character? and 2) how can I help others grow as well?

As always, I’d love to know what you come up with! Also as always, please feel free to share this with anyone you think needs it! Come by the website and sign up to receive your free copy of my ebook called ‘(Extra)Ordinary Leadership: 10 Things Dad Taught Me Without Saying Anything’. Have a great week, and keep leading!