Beginnings and Endings

RLL 45: Beginnings and Endings

Happy Sunday, everyone, and I hope you’ve had an amazing week! Mine was quite busy (as usual), and I’m excited to share with you some of the experiences I had and also some of the lessons I learned.

My younger daughter and I, back when she was still too young to play in our local league.

Each fall for most of the last decade, one or both of my daughters has played soccer in our local church’s youth league, and I have been their coach. Yesterday, my older daughter got her first experience as a referee in the same league, and my younger daughter is now in her last season of eligibility before she ages out of the program. This is a time transition for them and for me, as they continue to get older.

Thankfully, yesterday I had an opportunity to be reminded of why I have spent so much time coaching youth soccer (and especially my daughters’ teams). Each season I tell the parents that I have three goals for our team, and none of them involve winning soccer games. You may ask why we play, if not to win; well, please don’t misunderstand me: I LOVE to win. At anything and everything. But when it comes to youth sports, winning is not the main thing. For me, youth sports involve the three goals I referenced above: 1) I want the kids to HAVE FUN, because if they do, they’ll continue playing and they’ll enjoy themselves at each practice and game; 2) I want the kids to LEARN something about the game, because then I know I’ve done my job at each practice and game; and 3) I want the kids to WORK hard, because then their parents are happy!

None of those three goals involves winning a soccer game, but if we do those things each and every time we play, then our season will be a success. These kids are 9-11 years old, so no one is winning scholarships or awards or anything like that; so winning games shouldn’t be our main focus. What we are there to do is to teach character through competition. We still keep score, and there is a tournament at the end of the season whose winner gets a trophy. So the competition is very real; but it’s also a great reminder that winning is not the ultimate end.

My younger daughter and I yesterday, on her last “First Day” of the season. Time flies!

For anyone who is competitive, though, the temptation to “win at all costs” is always there: in youth soccer, in life, in business, and everywhere else. What I’ve found is that coaching youth soccer is as much about character development for myself (and the other coaches and parents) as it is for the children. How often have we witnessed parents yelling horrible things at each other or at officials, over a game being played by kids in elementary school? I know myself well enough to know that I have the potential to be that parent, if my emotions aren’t kept in check. That’s not fun to admit, but I do know it’s true. So for me, coaching the kids is about helping them, and it’s about helping myself grow.

What’s the point? Just this: we all need to continue to foster growth in ourselves, and one of the best ways to do that is to help others grow. It’s hard to expect children to do well if we are setting a poor example. And when we do mess up, it’s important that we set a good example in how to apologize, ask forgiveness, and try to make things right (and I had an opportunity to do those things yesterday, too; not something I’m proud of).

This week, ask yourself two questions: 1) how am I continuing to develop my own character? and 2) how can I help others grow as well?

As always, I’d love to know what you come up with! Also as always, please feel free to share this with anyone you think needs it! Come by the website and sign up to receive your free copy of my ebook called ‘(Extra)Ordinary Leadership: 10 Things Dad Taught Me Without Saying Anything’. Have a great week, and keep leading!

RLL 44: Leading in the Midst of Busy

Real Life Leading #44: Leading in the Midst of Busy

This week has been crazy: following a long holiday weekend there's been school, soccer practice, podcast interviews, prepping for upcoming events...oh yeah, and also wanting to still spend time with my wife and daughters! I'm sure for some of you it's been the same way. So the question is: how do we make sure that we're doing what we're supposed to, even in the midst of busy? Here are a couple quick tips to consider.

Me and my partner-in-life: my wife, who helps me get everything done, even when I don't fully realize how much she's helped!

1) Prioritize what needs prioritizing, and stick with it. For me, each day begins with a routine that involves reading my Bible. I get up, let the dogs out, feed them, and then read by Bible while they're eating. I know that if I don't read my Bible early, then it's not likely to happen. I also know that I need that time to spend in reading and prayer in order to get myself prepared for the day. So, look at what HAS to get done, and make that your priority so that when things get busy, it still gets done.

2) Make a list. I tell people all the time, "If I don't write it down, it doesn't exist in my world." If I don't put it on a list, it probably won't get done. I have, right now, about six different post-its on my desk of various lists that need to be addressed in the next week or two. Write down what needs to get done so that things don't fall through the cracks.

3) Enlist help. Whenever possible, get help to accomplish everything, especially when you feel overwhelmed. Better yet, don't wait until you feel overwhelmed! I often ask my wife if I can help her; and she's great about doing the same for me. At school, sometimes I ask my student-assistant to make copies, etc, so I have more time to do other tasks (typically things like grading essays and other fun things like that). Ask for help! It's not a sign of weakness, it's a sign that you trust the people you're asking.

Just a sample of the lists of things on my desk!

4) Be ok if something is left undone. Rarely do I accomplish every task on my list within the original timeframe I've given myself. I purposely try to overload my list and then prioritize it, so that what HAS to get done does; and then everything else that gets done is bonus. Also, just take a moment to realize that much of what we think HAS to get done really doesn't. The world won't end, the sky won't fall, and we'll be ok if some things get pushed back. Give yourself the freedom to let things wait.

5) Schedule time to relax! I had a pretty big list for this weekend, and I am thankful to have gotten most of it done. But the best part of the weekend so far? Catching up on sleep! My wife and I took a 2+ hour nap yesterday, and it was possible because we had planned to have time to relax after finishing up other tasks. You need time to unwind, or you'll burn out. So, make "relaxing" part of your "to do" list!

I hope everyone else has had a great week, and I'd love to hear about it! As always, please feel free to share this and pass it on to anyone you think needs it. In the meantime, please be in prayer for me as I get ready to present at a conference in Florida this week and also do more podcast interviews. If I can do anything for you, email me and let me know. Thanks!

RLL 43: How Do You Begin to Lead with Passion? Serve!

Real Life Leading #43

To Find Your Passion, Begin by Serving

This past week, I was blessed to see two very different organizations be celebrated for their service in local communities. On Tuesday evening, my family and I were able to attend a dinner fundraiser for our local Boys and Girls Club, and on Thursday I spoke at the luncheon of our local chapter of the Lions Club International. At the Boys and Girls Club dinner, the club awarded their annual 'Home Town Hero' award to a woman who has served the local club for almost twenty years; at the Lions Club meeting, the local chapter (Anniston) was awarded the 'Club of the Year' for the entire state of Alabama.

After attending both of those get-togethers, I asked myself, "What do the members of those groups have in common?" The answer should have been obvious: a desire to serve. The woman who received the 'Home Town Hero' award is a former prison administrator, who at one point was in charge of six facilities. Thus it makes sense that she would spend much of her free time helping underserved youth, hoping to help them follow different life paths than what she saw everyday.

The men and women of the Lions Club are doctors, reporters, attorneys, bank managers, and former school teachers. The Lions Club helps raise money and awareness about diabetes, childhood cancer, vision-screenings for kids, and world hunger. Again, it makes sense that these types of people would, after their 'job' ends for the day, continue to help others through volunteering with the Lions Club.

What's the point? We are called to serve, and one common reason that people give for not serving is that they haven't yet found their passion.. So how do you find your passion? You take a page out of the Boys and Girls Clubs and Lions Clubs playbook, and you simply begin to serve in your local area. Jesus himself said that he came not to be served, but to serve, and He calls us to do the same. These two groups are just a couple of examples of the countless ways you can get involved.

Perhaps working with at-risk youth isn't what you end up being passionate about. Perhaps you find that you are drawn to serve the homeless in your area. Perhaps you feel passionately about raising money for families who are dealing with cancer or other diseases. Perhaps you are, like my wife, constantly drawn to help animals who are without homes.

Here's the crux, though: you won't know until you get out and try. Nothing is set in stone: go get information, volunteer with a local organization, and see how God may be calling you to use your skills in the service of others. As you serve others, you'll start to see what you enjoy and what you don't, where your skills are a great fit and where they might be better utilized. But you have to begin by doing it, not just by thinking about it.

If you want to learn more about why it's so important to serve as leaders, and to get more ideas on how to do so, go grab a copy of my recent book Inverted Leadership: Lead Others Better By Forgetting About Yourself . (https://www.amazon.com/dp/1983110167/ref=tmm_pap_title_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1528802141&sr=8-1)

In the meantime, get out and serve, and then be sure to tag me on social media so I can celebrate your service as well!