Life

RLL 36--Lessons from Dad

RLL 36--Lessons From Dad

Today is Father's Day, and as such I wanted to share with all of you the introduction to my e-book (Extra)Ordinary Leadership, which is written about my dad, as well as the list of 10 Things Dad Taught Me Without Saying Anything.

These are lessons that Dad lived and that I observed and have tried to also live out (though, admittedly, I have failed more often than I have succeeded). They form guidelines for how I try to treat others and how I try to lead. I hope that you are encouraged by them and inspired by them. I also hope that they cause you to remember with fondness lessons that your father or father-figure taught you. Happy Father's Day!

My father, John Wesley Hawbaker, was an incredible leader: educated at Illinois Wesleyan University (B.A.) and the University of Georgia (M.A.), he also went through the US Army Officer Candidate School, US Army Airborne School (where he won the Outstanding Leadership Award for his class), and the US Army Ranger School. He was a member of the famous 82nd Airborne Division, and he won three Bronze Star Medals for his service in Vietnam. 
He also was a businessman, an ROTC instructor, a college professor, and a civic club volunteer. Most importantly, he was a husband and a father. He truly followed the motto of the U.S. Army Rangers: “Lead the Way.” This is about what Dad taught me just through the way he lived. 

“Preach the gospel at all times. When necessary, use words.” – St. Francis of Assisi

The cover of '(Extra)Ordinary Leadership': Dad in his military dress uniform.

The cover of '(Extra)Ordinary Leadership': Dad in his military dress uniform.

The above quote is often attributed to St. Francis of Assisi, though I have not been able to find any record of him actually having said or written it. Regardless, I feel that the sentiment is true, and that St. Francis may have said it is entirely plausible based on his own life of service and love to others. St. Francis was the founder of the Franciscan order of monks, and even hundreds of years later he stands as an amazing example of a man who lived his life in such a way that he consistently put the needs of others above his own.

What does it mean to preach the gospel without using words? Actions must show the love of God to others, to the degree that the recipient cannot but wonder at your motivation. Our love must be such that it cannot be explained away by reason or ulterior motive, even by the most jaded cynic. Understood this way, love is a choice, an action, an expression of the will. This idea is addressed by C.S. Lewis in The Screwtape Letters when, writing as Screwtape, he describes the demons as wondering what God is really up to when Screwtape says that “He really loves the little vermin.” To people who don’t understand the love of God, the motives of Christian love will forever remain a mystery.

The world will question Christians’ motives, and we must overcome even the strongest objections through our actions. When we do this, and when the opportunity arises for words, the words will then carry the full weight of convictions already proven, not just the often-empty promises of something postponed or alluded to. I do not know if I ever heard Dad actually share the Gospel. In fact, when he was not far from death, I asked my father about his salvation because I simply was not sure, and I was not willing to lose him without being as sure as I could be about his salvation. I knew he had been a good man of high morals, but since he was not vocal about his faith, I was not sure he was saved, and I needed to be. As it turns out, this was one of the more ridiculous worries I have ever had.

Upon reflection, it should have been obvious that Dad’s motivation was not anything other than a desire to serve God well by loving other people. When I look back at the many ways Dad served and loved others throughout his lifetime, I began to try to understand the principles behind his actions. The more I examined them, the more I have realized that all of them are rooted in love. Despite being from a generation that often frowned on males showing affection, my father never hesitated to give me a hug or tell me that he loved me.

In the same way, many people who knew Dad spoke of how they knew he cared about them because of his actions, his treatment of them. It was this ability to show love to others, to serve them and show them that he cared, that was at the center of who my father was. He was not always perfect, and he often failed, especially with my older brother, with whom he often disagreed. However, as Dad and my brother both got older, this love became more evident, it became more vocal, and it made my heart glad to see how much better my dad and brother got along before Dad died.

In talking with many people about Dad, including my mom, I have learned that Dad first learned integrity and love from his own parents, John Myron Hawbaker, a good man by all accounts, and Olive Alice Merriman, a loving and caring mother. And it is the foundation of love that is at the heart of all of the principles found in this book. For those of you who want to know where these principles came from, a brief explanation may suffice.

One of my all-time favorite pictures: Dad, my older daughter, and me, on our way to a soccer game.

One of my all-time favorite pictures: Dad, my older daughter, and me, on our way to a soccer game.

A number of years ago I was asked to give a devotional message for my fellow high school teachers at a Christian school in Alabama. In the process of thinking about that, I started thinking about my father, who had recently passed away. I was struck by a number of life principles that he embodied and yet never spoke aloud. I was also amazed that he had never actually said these things and yet they were so apparent to anyone who knew him. These principles form the core of each chapter in the book. Each principle is written out clearly and then explained using illustrations from Dad’s life. I hope that anyone who reads this is encouraged and inspired to also try to live like Dad did. I can think of no better way to honor him than to try to live out the principles he embodied.

In some ways, Dad lived an ordinary, if eventful, life: son, brother, husband, father, soldier, civilian. However, the way he lived and the principles he lived by were extraordinary, and I hope you are encouraged by him.

'10 Things Dad Taught Me Without Saying Anything'

  1. Always show respect to others, even when they don’t extend you the same courtesy.

  2. Control your temper--it’s yours, and only you can lose it.

  3. Choose to be in a good mood every morning--you can control your emotions, or you can be controlled by them.

  4. If there is work to do, do it--no excuses or reasons to avoid it--get it done.

  5. You are responsible for you. Own up to your actions and accept responsibility for your choices.

  6. Others come first--always.

  7. There is no person or task that is below your dignity.

  8. It’s OK if people don’t know how great you are--you don’t have to tell them.

  9. Take care of your family even if it’s hard.

  10. Always do what is right.

RLL 35--Inverted Leadership (Part 4 of 4)

RLL 35--Inverted Leadership (part 4 of 4)

Education vs. Experience, Hard Truths of Leading and Life, and Reason to Hope

Good morning, and welcome to the last part of our Inverted Leadership book preview blog series! Today's update contains excerpts from chapters 7-9.

inverted_cover.jpg

Chapter 7: What Are You Doing Here? Education vs. Experience

In leadership, we often face a false dichotomy in terms of importance: that is, we are either told that education helps us learn or that experience is the best teacher. Looking to the example of Christ, I believe His life shows that both are necessary for proper instruction. Jesus both instructed the crowds and the apostles using stories and parables, and He also lived and traveled with the apostles for years, showing them how His teachings applied in various situations. If we are to be Godly leaders, we must understand that both education and experience are necessary parts of our growth.

Experience is a key component of leadership, and it illustrates something that I want to really emphasize for leaders: every role you are in is either a leadership role, or it is preparing you (giving you experience to help you) for a future leadership role.

We need to balance our practical knowledge (experience) with our theoretical knowledge (education), and as always we need to remember that, when in doubt we should err on the side of service and humility, just as Christ said He came not to be served but to serve.

Chapter 8: Your Biggest Mistakes Are Still to Come: Hard Truths of Leading and Life

Thanks for reading, and I hope you've been encouraged today!

Thanks for reading, and I hope you've been encouraged today!

It would be wonderful to be able to say that after reading this book you’ll never make a mistake or have any trouble in your leadership roles. It would also really be a boost to my pride and ego! And it would be entirely false. The truth is that we will all mess up again tomorrow, and we’ve probably already messed up today. That is where, especially as leaders, we must embrace the wonderful power of forgiveness found in the Gospel while also not falling prey to what Bonhoeffer referred to as “cheap grace.” We are forgiven, certainly, but let us not presume upon Christ’s sacrifice and use it as an excuse to sin. We’ll sin plenty without having to try!

Here we see an extremely important leadership principle: in this life, we will never attain perfection, yet as leaders we have a responsibility to strive for it at all times. Knowing we cannot be perfect is no excuse for failing to attempt perfection anyway. As leaders we cannot afford to fall prey to a fatalism or an acceptance that anything less than perfect is good enough. As C.S. Lewis writes, when talking about attempting to exercise virtue, “The only fatal thing is to sit down content with anything less than perfection.”

Chapter 9: "Make Each Day Your Masterpiece" (Coach John Wooden): Reason to Hope

As Christians we have the joy of knowing that life is a blessing and a gift from God. We have the joy of the Gospel and the knowledge that, no matter how much we fail here, no matter how bad things get, that in the final assessment God wins. And because we have that joy, even though we won’t experience it fully this side of eternity, yet because of the work of Christ we have reason to hope.

Leadership will not be easy. It is not for the faint of heart. It will be hard, it will be a struggle and a fight. People that you lead will resist your efforts, especially when you challenge the status quo. People will criticize your efforts and not accept your explanations for your choices. It will be difficult, but it is worth fighting for the good. In the excellent movie A League of Their Own, actor Tom Hanks’s character is rebuking a player for quitting when things got hard. He says to her, “It’s the hard that makes it great. If it was easy, everyone would do it.” This is a line I quote every semester to my students and every season to my athletes. Leadership is hard, and it’s the hard that makes it great. Let us take the proper approach when we do it: be confident in God’s goodness and the gifts He has given you, be humble in the way you relate to other people, and always, always, always, fight for the good.

RLL 34--Inverted Leadership (part 3 of 4)

RLL 34--Inverted Leadership (part 3 of 4)

From Chapter 5 ('Stealing a Seat or Tripping a Traveler: Intentions vs. Outcomes') and Chapter 6 ('Selling History to High School Students: Lead Through Learning--What Does That Look Like?')

Greetings again, everyone, and welcome to the latest Real Life Leading blog update! This week's update features sneak peaks from the next two chapters of my upcoming book Inverted Leadership: Lead Others Better By Forgetting About Yourself.

From Chapter 5:

In studying the Bible closely, we see that both our actions as well as our motives or intentions are of utmost importance. With Jesus, it was not just about giving Himself up for us; it was about doing it because it was God’s will. We see this in how He prays aloud on multiple occasions, even stating that the reason for the prayer is so that others might know better what Jesus was doing. And as with all of the leadership principles in this book, there is an element of ‘both-and’ at play: in this chapter, we want to look at how focusing on intentions or outcomes changes our leadership and how we relate to others.

Part I: Is It The Thought That Counts, Or Is The Road To Hell Paved With Good Intentions?

In the Middle Ages, the most powerful institution in Europe was the Roman Catholic Church. The church was the largest landowner, the local priests were involved in the people’s lives from birth until death, the church was responsible for helping the poor and caring for the sick, and the church also was seen as having power over the most important aspect of a person: his or her eternal soul. Thus, in the centuries before the Protestant Reformation, the Roman Catholic Church believed that part of its job was to make sure that church doctrine was taught accurately and without any dissent or disagreement to the people of Europe and beyond.

C.S. Lewis, teacher, author, apologist

C.S. Lewis, teacher, author, apologist

Despite much of the good that the church did--and there was a lot of good that the Medieval church did--this desire to stamp out any heresy (any beliefs or statements that went against official church teachings) led to many abuses, most notably by the Spanish Inquisition. The Inquisition was a type of church court established in the 15th century by Ferdinand of Aragon and Isabella of Castile, the same ruling couple that sponsored Columbus’s first voyage in 1492. The purpose of the Inquisition was to stamp out heresy, and in order to do that, the leaders often resorted to torture in order to get people to confess to various heretical acts and statements.

Estimates about how many people were killed by the Inquisition vary widely, but at a minimum the number is in the thousands. Now, I believe that a commitment to teaching true doctrine is a good thing, just as teaching accurate history is a good thing. However, I also believe that the Inquisition may be the world’s greatest example of something that was begun with a good motive but which also led to highly negative unintended consequences. The motives and the intentions were good, but judging through the lens of history, the results were negative.

In a somewhat different context, C.S. Lewis talks about how our motives and our intentions matter as much or even more than our actions and the outcomes that result from them. In Mere Christianity, Lewis talks about how if we were traveling on a train and we stepped away from our seat for a moment, if another person took our seat innocently unaware that the seat was claimed already, we are unlikely to be angry at the other traveler except for possibly a moment’s annoyance. When our good sense kicks in, we realize they probably were unaware that we had been sitting there, and thus though we are inconvenienced, we are not really angry about it. It is a simple case of a misunderstanding.

This is then contrasted with someone who, while walking down a hallway, purposely though unsuccessfully puts out a leg to trip us. In this situation, even though the person trying to trip us was unsuccessful, we are going to be rightfully angry or irritated at them for their intent to harm us, even when we did not suffer any real consequences. I have always found this to be a very telling illustration since, in one situation we suffered a very real negative consequence, while in the other situation nothing bad actually happened to us. However, we are angry in the second case and not in the first. This is because of the intention of the person in the second situation contrasted with the innocent mistake of the first.

We see this everyday in a variety of contexts, especially when we are in leadership roles. That is, we see some people make innocent mistakes that we often are not angry about even if they have large consequences. We also see people who, through conscious neglect or lack of care, cause situations that could have become catastrophes. Even if the catastrophe is averted, the leader is often much more frustrated with the person who made a conscious bad decision than with the person whose mistake was much more innocent. Thus, this chapter will be showing how intentions matter but good intentions alone are not enough and also about how outcomes matter but not more than people and relationships. Therefore as a leader, it is our job to find the balance between those things and, as in all cases, to err on the side of serving others and preserving relationships as much as possible.

From Chapter 6: 

'Calvin and Hobbes' by Bill Watterson

'Calvin and Hobbes' by Bill Watterson

As Christian leaders, we must constantly be seeking out deeper and fuller knowledge of God through studying His Word. We should also be focused on learning how to become better leaders in the various roles we will fulfill throughout our lifetimes. Sometimes this is done formally, as in a college or high school, and sometimes this is done informally, as in a small group or through independent reading. But however it is pursued, we must constantly be seeking out more and more knowledge. As C.S. Lewis said in Mere Christianity, “God is no fonder of intellectual slackers than of any other slackers. If you are thinking of becoming a Christian, I warn you, you are embarking on something which is going to take the whole of you, brains and all.” As Christian leaders, we must engage our hearts and our minds as we pursue Godly leadership in our lives.

There are two main reasons that leaders must continually be staying up to date and informed about new techniques, procedures, and philosophies in our particular areas of involvement, while also remaining true to our foundational principles and beliefs. For me, that means paying attention to how education and soccer coaching are changing and evolving both in the classroom and outside of it. Your areas of involvement may be drastically different, but the key component is the same: leaders must be learners, and we must always be looking for ways to continue educating ourselves and learning more about our chosen fields. Education is extremely important even though that may not mean a formal, classroom-style education.

The second reason this is important  is that Golden Rule revisited: lead how you want to be led.  Most of us want to be led by someone who is constantly learning and growing rather than being led by someone who simply refuses to learn due to pride or laziness. Remember the great quote from Coach John Wooden: “When you’re through learning, you’re through.” So let's explore this idea of leaders as learners.