Real Life Leading #10: "The Illusion of Enlightenment" -- The Danger of Thinking We Know More Than We Do

Real Life Leading #10

“The Illusion of Enlightenment” -- The Danger of Thinking We Know More Than We Do

Last February, I was involved in a significant car wreck while traveling home from soccer practice. It was dark, it was raining, and while I was driving at 65 mph down Highway 431 in Alabama a large truck pulled out from a gas station when I was about fifty yards away. For some reason, the truck was slow to pull across my two lanes, and so as I approached, I was faced with having to make one of three choices: 1) pull my car right, off the road, and into a ditch; 2) go straight into the side of the truck (I drive a small sedan) at high speed; 3) pull my car left into oncoming traffic. Now, when I tell this story to my high school students, the typical question I get is, “Why didn’t you just hit the brakes?” usually asked in a tone of condescension reserved only for those who are blissfully ignorant of key aspects of a discussion.

In response, depending on my level of patience that day, I (either patiently, or less patiently) explain a few things to my students (mostly freshmen and sophomores whose average driving experience is less than a year): 1) that hitting the brakes on a wet road at 65 mph wouldn’t have actually stopped the car in the space available; and 2) it might cause hydroplaning, causing me to have even less control of the car; and 3) it’s always interesting that people who don’t really know how to drive suddenly seem to feel qualified to give advice to people who do.

To be fair to my students, all generations have the tendency to assume they know better than previous generations, and so my students may or may not be any more arrogant than we were as children. In fact, I would argue that the propensity to assume we know much more than we do is something of which we are all guilty, especially in today’s society fueled by smart-phones and internet access.

That is, as leaders and simply as people, we often have a tendency to assume that we know much more than we actually do. Students are convinced they don’t need to study because they can simply look up whatever they need to know using wikipedia or similar sites; parents are convinced that they know as much as doctors because they spent time researching on webMD; and people like myself are convinced that we’re smarter than everyone else simply because we try to remain informed about news, sports, current events, etc.

As if this illusion of enlightenment wasn’t enough, the tendency to have our preconceptions or assumptions confirmed is furthered by the self-imposed echo chambers of social media. On our facebook, twitter, and instagram feeds, we are often only exposed to articles or statements that confirm our own opinions, confirming what we already know, or think we know. This in turn reinforces our belief that we know what we think we know, and it also lessens the likelihood that we’ll continue our research with openness, since we’re already convinced that we’re right. And as leaders, this is extremely dangerous territory.

If we are to lead well, we must 1) be aware of the dangers of this illusion of enlightenment, and 2) take steps to avoid it and to lessen the effects of it when we have already fallen prey. In leadership positions, we are often the decision makers, the managers, the ones responsible for making things function the way they are supposed to. As a result of that, we are in danger of, as coaches are often warned about, “believing our own press,” or becoming satisfied in our own knowledge and expertise. When that occurs, our leadership is likely to stagnate, since we are no longer pursuing ways to improve because we are already convinced that we know what we’re doing. We may not think of it in these terms, but this pattern can be observed in many situations: husbands who become inattentive of their wives, coaches who lose the commitment of their players, teachers who refuse to consider new methods or different classroom projects, etc. In all of these situations, the result is the same: the illusion of enlightenment leads to a lack of continued intellectual growth.

Thus, after becoming aware of these dangers and the negative results that inevitably follow, we must examine our current leadership situations and see where we have already become stagnant, and we must takes steps to correct this. In short, we must begin anew the process of becoming a leader, an expert, a student. The solution, then, is humility: we must be willing to admit that we don’t know as much as we think we do, and we must back this up by seeking information even when we think we are already experts in our given areas. We must purposefully seek out new information, even from sources we know we disagree with. We must humbly ask others for guidance or suggestions, and we must be willing to consider their answers, rather than immediately rejecting them based on our previously held assumptions.

The purpose of leadership is to positively influence others in whatever roles we are in. This can be accomplished in a wide variety of ways, in different stages, at different times. But throughout all of those, the danger of becoming self-satisfied, of becoming prideful, of being convinced that we know best, is ever-present. The danger of the illusion of enlightenment is very real, and thus our response must be conscious, it must be intentional, and it must be continual. Good leadership is crucial, and in our ever-changing world, good leadership requires constant learning, an open mind, and a willingness to entertain alternate viewpoints while remaining true to our worldview and underlying beliefs.

Action Step: This week, identify one area in which you feel like an expert, and then go and spend ten minutes researching that same area. You’ll be amazed at how quickly you find something new that you didn’t know, or a new perspective to consider.

Real Life Leading #9: "I am thankful for"...Gratitude as a Key to Leadership

Real Life Leading #9

“I Am Thankful For…”: Gratitude as a Key to Leadership

     Hey everyone! This week was Thanksgiving week here in the States, and so I thought it would be a great idea to talk about the importance of gratitude and how it affects our leadership. I want to do that in a couple of different ways here. First, I will look at it in a theory/application format; second, I want to give some examples of gratitude for various situations in my life and leadership.

Let’s start with the obvious: most people know that it’s polite to say things like “Thank you” or “I appreciate it” when someone helps us out. That’s basic, kindergarten-level stuff...and yet it also gets forgotten, especially once we move beyond kindergarten. Ask any teacher of middle or high school students, and they’ll tell you that all of those lessons from kindergarten and elementary school (think of the “All I really need to know I learned in kindergarten” posters that were in so many classrooms growing up) seem to have been forgotten, misplaced, or never truly grasped by many of their students. Basic gratitude, in many situations, seems to have fallen by the wayside.

And, unfortunately, this is also seen in many retail stores and shopping malls as people begin ramping up their holiday shopping. So, lesson number one here: remember to show gratitude, especially to people who may be getting much less than they deserve (cough, retail clerks and workers, cough).

Next, let’s look at the somewhat less obvious: gratitude is not just about the words we say, but about the way in which we say them. There is a great scene in an episode of the TV sitcom Friends where Joey says to Chandler, “It’s not what you said, it’s the way you said it.” In that episode, the joke is that Joey is becoming more effeminate, more like his female roommate, and that is supposedly shown by this particular comment. However, there is much truth to be found in that remark: often, when we see a lack of gratitude, it’s not just through lack of polite words; rather, it is through a general attitude or non-verbal cues. Those of us with siblings certainly remember moments from our childhood when our parents made us say thank you for something our sibling had done, and we would (with no conviction whatsoever) sulkily mumble a semi-coherent, “Thanks.” And that would often be followed up by the parent saying something along the lines of, “This time, say it and mean it.” The interesting thing here is, in order to mean it, our words didn’t change. But our whole countenance did: in order to mean it, our body position, our facial expression, our tone of voice, all of these things had to change in order for us to mean it when we expressed our thanks.

This knowledge that our whole countenance changes when we truly are grateful for something reveals to us an important lesson: when we express gratitude, it not only shows appreciation to the person or group being thanked, but it changes us as well. Don’t let the significance of that be lost on you: when you truly show gratitude, it affects you just as much as it does the other party. It makes us change physically (our face, our body position--head up, look them in the eyes, all the things adults try to teach their kids about posture), and it changes us emotionally: we actually feel more grateful when we truly express thanks.

Last lesson here: most people are able to see through a fake “Thank you” just as we are quick to pick up on a fake, or at least a less-than-heartfelt, apology. So when we are showing thanks, let us do so sincerely, let us not just say the words but let us feel them and show gratitude in our demeanor, our expression, and our whole attitude. Think of the difference between when someone, even a stranger, says, “Thank you so much,” while they look you in the eye and smile, compared to when someone, even a loved one, says an off-hand and quickly muttered, “Thanks,” as you hold the door open, carry away a dirty dish, or help them up from the couch after a holiday nap. What’s the difference? It’s certainly not that the words “So much” added on the end make the gratitude more heartfelt. It’s the attitude, the feeling, the weight behind the words that really gets the message across.

As leaders, we have to be aware of what we say, but more importantly we need to be aware of how we say it. We need to make sure that we are getting our message across in the way in which we intend it to be received, and a large part of that is non-verbal communication. In my world, I spent a significant amount of time interacting with females: I have a wife, two daughters, I teach high school students (male and female), and I coach girls soccer (varsity and JV, with a combined roster of 30+). In the years I have done this, I have seen many times when I have mistakenly hurt someone’s feelings through a careless word, but more often it occurs through not paying enough attention to the way in which I use my words. I am still learning how to do a better job of accurately expressing what it is that I’m trying to get across to them, and it will be a lifelong journey of learning to do that well. In the meantime, let me give a few things I’m thankful for before we wrap up here:

I’m thankful for my wife, who decided it was a good idea to marry me (even when I tried to convince her otherwise) and who encourages me in my career and in every area of life while also teaching me about humility, grace, and gratitude. She is my muse, my help-meet, and my warrior-beside.

I’m thankful for my daughters, who continue to teach me about parenting by giving me opportunities to grow as they grow and to learn as they learn. Just when I think I've gotten a handle on how to parent kids their ages, they have birthdays, and I get to start all over again. I’m thankful to get to have the privilege of being around such great kids.

I’m thankful for my mom, dad, and stepdad, who showed me that divorces don’t have to be as messy and painful as they often become. They also taught me that humility, patience, and understanding are necessary for blended families to work well.

I’m thankful for my in-laws (current and former) for showing love and generosity to my family, and for always being kind.

I’m thankful for my ex-wife and her husband (and their son), who willingly work with us to make our lives work, and without whose cooperation our four-parent, two-house world would be much more difficult and complicated.

I'm thankful for every teacher, coach, pastor, youth pastor, and college professor that took the time to teach and coach an arrogant, snarky, know-it-all Joel, in the hopes that one day I'd be less cocky and more humble. 

I’m thankful for you the reader, for giving me the chance to share what I’ve learned and try to help you use your leadership and influence to make your little pocket of the world a better place.

Call to Action: This week, go out of your way to show true humble gratitude to someone in your world that needs to know they’re appreciated.

Real Life Leading #8: A Luddite in a Tech World

Real Life Leading #8:

A Luddite in a Tech World:  Learning as an Act of Humility

     Upon taking up his newly-created post at the University of Cambridge, the beloved author and professor C.S. Lewis once referred to himself as a “dinosaur,” a holdover from an earlier intellectual age that has long since gone out of fashion. He was a medievalist, trying to teach and influence an increasingly modern (and postmodern) world. I am no C.S. Lewis, so I will resist referring to myself as a dinosaur; I also am not writing here about intellectual or educational philosophy, but about leadership. As such, I am not so much a dinosaur as I am a Luddite in a tech world.

A Luddite is defined as someone who actively opposes more industrialization or new technology, and if you were to ask any of my students (especially in today’s smart-phone generation), they could tell you stories of the many times I have quite willingly hopped on my intellectual soapbox about the dangers of smart-phones, their negative effects on learning, etc. However that may be, I also am forced to acknowledge that I have tremendously benefited from technology, and therefore to oppose it on principle would be an act not of mere selfishness but of true pride.

Pride has been defined in many ways, and I want to begin by saying that not all ‘pride’ is a bad thing. Again, referencing C.S. Lewis, he wrote (my paraphrase here) that pride in one’s regiment or in one’s family, or in anything else that focuses outward, is not a bad thing, especially if that causes a person to work harder or serve others in pursuit of improving the regiment, family, etc. No, the dangerous type of pride is what we often think of as competitiveness, that is, pride that is constantly weighing ourselves against others. This pride is dangerous specifically because it is so self-centered, self-focused, and self-serving.

The danger of competitive pride has been brought home to me in many different ways in my leadership, especially in my role as a coach. My pride has caused me to yell at players who didn’t deserve it (yes, I do believe that sometimes a louder-than-usual voice is necessary, if only because of the sheer size and distances of a soccer field), take losses personally (as if by losing my team somehow let me down, therefore reflecting poorly on me as a person), and to set a poor example to my players, the fans, and even my children who have attended many of the games I have coached.

In regards to leadership, the dangers of pride are tremendous: pride will cause leaders to cut corners in the pursuit of ‘victory’ or ‘success,’ however those may be defined in that role. Pride will often cause leaders to define success in a way that is ultimately about themselves rather than about the organization they are leading. And just a quick glance at the news will reveal that pride will also lead to much worse problems, as shown by many of our national political leaders, pro athletes, or other celebrities. And the only solution is humility.

Humility is perhaps the most misunderstood descriptor in the English language. Humility, simply defined, is focusing on others instead of on oneself. It is thinking of oneself less often. And when a leader learns how to do this consistently, many of the dangers of pride can be averted.

So, back to me being a Luddite: I willingly admit that I am often opposed to new technology simply because it is new and I don’t understand it. However, because of my pride, I also am opposed to it because I don’t want to be bothered with having to learn it, and because it is so much easier for people younger than me to grasp. This is brought home to me every time a student references a new app, or social media platform, or even popular video game about which I have no idea.

When I was a kid, the most popular gaming platform was the original Nintendo, the 8-bit NES with Mario Brothers and Duck Hunt. I was never great at it, but I got pretty good. And then the Super Nintendo came out, and the controllers had more buttons, and, try though I might, I never could get good with that many buttons. As a result, I was strongly opposed to the system, and I have been opposed to every system that has come out since. In college, when my dorm mates were playing in N64s or GameCubes or other systems, I would mostly watch, or I would play and get destroyed, and both of those things wounded my pride.

After college, when texting was first growing in popularity, I refused to even try to learn how to do it, just on principle. As smart-phones have become more popular, I did the same thing, refusing to buy a smart-phone until less than two years ago. Sure, I endured much ribbing about my Luddite-tendencies, but I believed I had the moral high ground…..

Until I realized that the only reason I was opposed to all of those things was pride and laziness. I didn’t want to admit that I would need help learning new technology, because that would make me seem less intelligent than I like to think I am. I didn’t want to admit that, though there are dangers, perhaps the technology itself isn’t the problem (though I will always believe that the technology enables people to make bad decisions more easily, as I have seen in my own life). I certainly didn’t want to give up my pride-based moral high ground.

And then I remembered humility. I was reminded of the many times I have had to ask for help because I could not, on my own, do what needed to be done. Without help from others, I could not fulfill my responsibilities. I remembered that, even without smart-phone technology, I had made more mistakes (with bigger consequences) than I had thought myself capable of.

See, that’s the thing about pride, especially prideful leadership: when we are focused on ourselves, we don’t see the dangers that are already right in front of us, because we are too busy being Narcissus, falling in love with our own reflections. Ever tried driving a car while only looking at your reflection in the rear view mirror? You can’t help but crash sooner or later, no matter how skillful and experienced a driver you are.

When leaders begin focusing on themselves, it affects every area of leadership: it affects the team or group you are leading, it affects your style of leadership, it affects your relationships, and it affects your outcome. You may still experience some ‘successes,’ but these are only delaying the inevitable. Remember all the stories and myths of heroes who brought about their own downfall due to their hubris, their pride, and their self-focus. And commit to not being that type of leader.

As leaders we must focus on others, and we must be willing to go out of our way to continue to learn, even if, as in my case, learning involves asking people younger than us (as I have had to ask my teenage daughter) to teach us about technology with which we are uncomfortable. Because every conscious act of learning is also an act of humility.

Let me say that again: every conscious act of learning is an act of humility. When we consciously set about learning something, we are acknowledging a couple of important things: 1) we don’t already know everything we need to know, and thus 2) we have to seek out that knowledge from a source that does already know what we need to know. We are placing ourselves in someone else’s hands, trusting that they will guide us well and faithfully to the knowledge that we need at that time.  

Lastly, because learning is an act of placing ourselves in another’s hands, it is also imperative that we seek out knowledge in a purposeful way, from sources that will contribute to our overall goals as a leader. That is, we must carefully choose what we learn and where we learn it. The old adage, “You learn something new every day,” remains true. So then the last important question you need to ask yourself is: as a leader, what are you choosing to learn, and where is this new knowledge coming from? For me, the Luddite, this often means I’m asking someone to teach me more about new technology, about social media, about history, about leadership, about coaching. I don’t know everything there is to know about anything. And if you’re at all like me, you can also benefit from learning from someone who knows more. So, let us be humble enough to acknowledge what we don’t know and also confident enough to ask for help from those who do.

Weekly Takeaway: In your area of leadership, what have you been hesitant to learn? Choose this week to go and find more information, and then share it with your team or group.