Real Life Leading #4: Can anyone be a leader?

Real Life Leading #4: “Can anyone be a leader?”

“Can anyone be a leader?” This is a very common question that is asked, both by current leaders and future leaders, and I think it is an excellent question to explore here. The short answer to this simple-seeming question is a very resounding YES, anyone can be a leader, though not everyone will be a leader in the same mold. More importantly, every single one of us will be a leader at some point in our lives, and so let’s take a look at what this question is really getting at, and then we’ll better understand the answer.

Typically, when someone asks this question, the assumption is something along the lines of “True leaders are born, not made,” or that there are certain leadership traits or characteristics that cannot be taught or learned; one either has them, or one doesn’t. I believe this view is false, though it is not without merit. That is, it has been obvious throughout history that there are certain leadership traits that some people naturally possess while others do not have these same qualities. At different periods, this may have meant physical stature (think George Washington, who was about six feet tall at a time when most men stood at about 5’8”) or a commanding ‘presence’ (whatever that means) despite a lack of height (think Napoleon Bonaparte, who was around 5’3-5’6” and who was mocked with the nickname “The Little Corsican”). Physical stature is obviously something that cannot be taught, and so there is a reason why people ask the question about whether or not anyone can become a leader. If stature was the measure of leadership, then the answer would be different. (FULL DISCLOSURE: I am 5’3.5” tall, and so I fully believe that a person can be an impactful leader even if they do not immediately command respect through their stature.)

Other characteristics that people think of as natural ‘leadership’ traits are things such as a gift for public speaking (“the gift of gab” it is often called), the ability to easily form relationships (think of people who have “never met a stranger”), or the ability to influence others more easily than other people (“people just gravitate toward them”). Now, all of these are excellent qualities to have as a leader, and it is certainly true that to possess these traits would be beneficial to a leader. However, what most people don’t realize is that, other than physical stature, almost every leadership characteristic is something that can be learned and improved upon.

Is everyone naturally a gifted speaker? No. But through work, practice, and help, everyone can become more comfortable speaking in front of others. Is it easy for everyone to form new relationships personally or professionally? Of course not. But again, through practice, through learning, and through overcoming fears, everyone can become more comfortable in making new relationships. Same goes with being able to influence and encourage other people, too.

Here’s the bottom line: not only can anyone become a leader, everyone WILL be a leader at some point. We won’t all be CEOs or pro sports coaches, or military commanders. But at some point, almost everyone will be a father or mother, a husband or wife, a teacher or coach (paid or volunteer), a manager or employee, an entrepreneur or investor. And the truth is that all of these are leadership roles that require us to learn new skills and grow as people. They all require us to take stock of our strengths and weaknesses so that we can, with self-awareness, bolster our strengths while acknowledging (and then working on) our weaknesses.

Back to the original question: can anyone be a leader? The answer, as we have seen, is a resounding and unqualified yes. However, we will not all be leaders in the same mold, nor will we be leaders with the same strengths and weaknesses. Some people really do have such a ‘presence’ that they instantly command whatever room they enter. Such people often have a great advantage when it comes to leadership, because they begin from a position of strength. However, I recently read an article that talked about how many children who show ‘leadership potential’ (as seen in the ability to influence others at a young age) often fail to fully develop as leaders simply because they took their natural gifts for granted. In doing so, they failed to fully hone those gifts, and they also failed to work on their weaknesses, because their natural gifts allowed them to ‘get by’ as a leader for so long.

As a coach, I see this all the time with athletes: there are many athletes who are gifted at such a young age that they never have to really work to improve. They’re just naturally better than most of their peers, so they stand out and dominate teams throughout their youth. Eventually, though, a strange thing happens: other kids grow; other kids outwork them in practice; other kids find their strengths and weaknesses and address these; and suddenly, the player who was dominant now finds him/herself as just another mediocre player who doesn’t understand why what used to be “good enough” doesn’t seem to work anymore.

The same thing happens to many people who show leadership potential at a young age and then fail to purposefully develop their leadership skills while also learning new ones. Fortunately, in leadership and in life, it is never too late to learn new skills and work on strengthening old weaknesses. Athletes will always eventually lose out to Father Time and the deterioration of their skills. But leaders can and should always be working to become better than we are.

This week’s practical application:

Write a quick list of your three biggest strengths and weaknesses as a leader, and  pick one of each to work on this week. Then email me and let me know what you came up with and if there is anything I can do to help you.

Real Life Leading #3: The West Point Way of Leadership

Real Life Leading #3

The West Point Way of Leadership: From Learning Principled Leadership to Practicing It by Larry R. Donnithorne

          The third installment in our Real Life Leading series focuses on a book written by Col. Larry R. Donnithorne (Ret.), who is both a West Point graduate and a retired West Point instructor. This book describes the purpose of a West Point education and gives details about how West Point goes about achieving that purpose. It is one of the best leadership books I have come across, especially in its focus on the importance of character development.

          West Point is one of the world’s most recognized military academies, and I believe this is because it trains its cadets not just to be good soldiers and officers but to be men and women of character. At West Point, character development is the foundation of all good leadership. Thus, cadets must first learn to follow, they must first learn how much they don’t know, so that they can then learn how to lead from a place of character, rather than simply leading based on anything else.

          Building on this foundation of character development, West Point puts cadets in the position to make decisions as leaders, both theoretically (through often difficult and complex classroom discussions and debates on morality and leadership) and practically (through the many and varied drills, exercises, and real life decisions to be made). Thus, by the time they graduate, cadets have learned how to follow well, how to lead others, and how leadership begins and ends with character.

          The West Point statement of purpose puts it very clearly: “The purpose of the United States Military Academy is to provide the nation with leaders of character who serve the common defense.” Or, as Teddy Roosevelt put it, “Your duty here at West point has been to fit men to do well in wars. But it is a noteworthy fact that you have also fitted them to do well in peace.”

General Outline of the Book

I. White Phosphorus!

“ ‘Leader of Character’ is the phrase the Academy uses to describe the kind of leader it wants its cadets to become…A leader of character is absolutely trustworthy, even in times of great stress, and can be depended upon to put the needs of others…above personal considerations…in every instance.” (pg. 3-4)

          In our world, how much better would our families, our schools, our communities be if all of our leaders were leaders of character? Real Life Leading is all about serving others first, and a large part of this is integrity, being trustworthy and honest so that people can depend on you. This is exactly what is being described here. In our families, children need to be able to trust that their parents have the children’s best interests at heart. In our schools, students need to be able to trust that teachers care about them as people, not just as standardized test scores or marks in a gradebook. And in our country, we need leaders who will regain the public trust by serving, not by dictating or pandering or misleading. How would these things be possible? By becoming leaders of character.

II. Starting From Zero: Tearing Down Before Building Up

“Every leader is a follower. No one commands an organization without restraints…Their success depends in a large part on how well they have learned to follow.” (pg. 19)

“The beginning of followership is getting to zero: realizing all that you don’t know, and then opening yourself to the possibility of being remade into something more.” (pg. 20)

          This gets at the core of Real Life Leading through Confident Humility: being humble enough to admit you don’t know everything, and being confident enough to always continue to learn from those who know more. In every area of life, there are experts, and they are they experts because they continue to learn. But no one begins as an expert. And possibly the most useful lesson any new leader can learn is that they first need to listen and learn from others. Speaking from experience, many young leaders (myself included) quickly become prideful at being put in leadership positions at a younger age than is usual. And as a result, leaders often stagnate due to lack of continued learning, or they experience pushback as a result of an attitude of arrogance toward those who are following.

          It took me many failures and much loss to realize how arrogant I had become, and it is only through humbly admitting how much I have yet to learn that I began to see how many mistakes I’d made in role as a leader my family, in my classroom, and in my soccer program. If there is one major lesson I would impart to you, the reader, it would be to please be willing to listen and learn especially if you think you already know it all.

III. First Pass: Forging the Bonds That Hold the Organization Together

“The cadet’s moral education…begins with rules—with the honor code: a cadet will not lie, cheat or steal, nor tolerate those who do.” This commitment to honor “is the bedrock lesson of every other leadership lesson the Academy teaches.” (pg. 51)

“Strong organizations, such as West Point, draw their strength from deeply rooted values, which are meant to unify individuals into a community.” (pg. 57)

          In many situations, conflicting goals and values are what lead to problems with an organization, a team, or a family. Only through a shared commitment to common values will a group of people truly be able to accomplish the goals they have set. This means that leaders must learn to trust and to be trustworthy. In a family, that means understanding why certain things are allowed and certain things are not, especially if these things are different than what is ‘normal’ culturally. In a business, this means asking if the commitment is to customer service or to the bottom line, because those two things may often come into conflict.

          When everyone (or at least nearly everyone) is voluntarily committed to a set of shared values, everyone is working toward a common goal, and the result will take care of itself. This is especially important when it comes to situations when the morals are murky or when there could be two ‘right’ answers, because often one of the ‘right’ answers is clearly in line with the organization’s values whereas the other one is not (though it may appear to be the ‘easier right’ answer).

IV. Second Pass: Positioning the Individual Inside the Group

“Leadership entails having a mind broad enough to sense when the organization is wrong and a heart courageous enough to do something to fix it.” (pg. 88)

          How many times do we tell children and teens that they need to stand up for what is right, even when their peers are not? Is it possible that the reason youth find it difficult to do this is because we, as adults, have not modeled this for them? This is a very convicting aspect of Real Life Leading: that we need to be courageous enough to do what is necessary to fix problems, rather than just pointing out problems without working to find or create a solution. In our homes, in our communities, we need to be willing to listen to others and work with them to come up with helpful solutions to the difficulties we encounter.

          In my family, that may mean explaining to my teenage daughter why she is not allowed to have her own cell phone even when all of her classmates have had one for years. It may mean explaining why my children are not allowed to watch TV on school nights, or why we insist on a firm bedtime. Or it may mean talking about why we will stop and buy food for someone in need even if we are in a hurry to get somewhere. It also might mean something much bigger, such as why it is important to listen to people even when we disagree with them, to try to understand other points of view and discuss their legitimacy, rather than only insisting on our own perspective as the ‘right’ one. If we are to lead well, then Real Life Leading means being courageous enough to be different and to go against the norms.

V. Third Pass: Acquiring the Self-Reliance to Lead Others

“What the Academy teaches them [cadets] to do…is to go to extremes in matters of principle. One must become comfortable risking everything—one’s career, one’s life—to keep principles alive. Leadership requires this kind of commitment on a daily basis, not just when one is in a crisis.”

          This seems that it should be rather self-evident, and yet it is something that is clearly lacking in society today. Many people describe themselves as moral, or ‘basically good people,’ and yet they are all too quick to find exceptions to rules or loopholes in situations they find inconvenient or difficult. And often, in our Real Life Leading, we fail too. This is a great reminder that though we are not perfect, we should strive to be.

          We must be committed enough to our principles and values that we stick with them even when they are tested: in parenting, teaching, working, and marriage, we must stay true to our principles, even when they cost us. As the comedian Jon Stewart said, “If you don’t stick to your values when they are being tested, they’re not values—they’re hobbies.” And when we fail, we must be humble enough to admit our failure, accept the consequences, and do what we can to make right whatever we have made wrong. More on this another time!

Practical Takeaway

This week, choose one way in which you can learn more about leadership. Then, email me and let me know what you did and what you learned.

Real Life Leading #2

Real Life Leading #2:

Tuesdays With Morrie by Mitch Albom

          Hi, everybody, and here is the first book review in the Real Life Leading series! I just finished reading Tuesdays With Morrie by Mitch Albom, which is not thought of or marketed as a traditional ‘leadership’ book, but it should be.

Tuesdays With Morrie is a non-fiction book that is essentially about a professor, Morrie Schwartz, and one of his former students, Mitch Albom. After having lost touch for over a decade and a half, Albom revived his relationship with Morrie after seeing a TV news special featuring the older man.

          Albom began visiting Morrie on Tuesdays, as they had done in college, and during those meetings, Morrie shared his wisdom in the form of fourteen conversations that each focused on a different aspect of life: from grand concepts such as culture, life, death, family, and forgiveness, to more everyday topics such as marriage, money, the fear of aging, and the perfect day.

          In each of their conversations, Morrie shares the wisdom of the dying, taking time to help Albom understand things that we all should know but often refuse to acknowledge. There are many, many words of wisdom and practical leadership principles in the book, as you’ll discover when you read it. Here I’ve listed three of my favorite, and I hope they both challenge and encourage you as you continue your journey in Real Life Leading.

Real Life Leading Principles from Tuesdays With Morrie:

Principle 1: The people you’re leading need to know that they are significant, and you can communicate that to them in a million tiny ways every day.

          “When Morrie was with you, he was really with you. He looked you straight in the eye, and he listened as if you were the only person in the world. How much better would people get along if their first encounter each day were like this—instead of a grumble from a waitress or a bus driver or a boss?” (pg. 135)

See, each of those things listed at the end—the waitress, bus driver, and boss—are all leaders in their particular locations: a table, transportation system, and a job. And each of them can encourage and inspire their charges (patrons of a restaurant, commuters on a bus, or employees in an office) through doing such a simple thing as looking someone in the eye and genuinely greeting them kindly each morning.

Principle 2: Encourage people in ways that are unexpected and therefore even more welcome.

          “Do you know what I do? When someone wants to get ahead of me in traffic? I would raise my hand, as if I was going to make a negative gesture, and then I would wave and smile. Instead of giving them the finger, you let them go, and you smile. You know what? A lot of times they smile back.” (pg. 137)

          Every one of us has experienced the frustration of being cut off in traffic. We're trying to get somewhere, others are too, and we get angry when someone seems to be cheating the system. It's entirely understandable, and the person cutting someone off usually knows they're not the most popular person around. So imagine how powerful it is to respond positively in what would normally be a tense, if even from a distance, situation. How many of us have the humility to purposely and unexpectedly show kindness and understanding to a total stranger who we will likely never encounter again?

Principle 3: Focus on others, and always continue to grow and change in positive ways.

          “In business, people negotiate to win. They negotiate to get what they want…Love is different. Love is when you are as concerned about someone else’s situation as you are about your own.” (pg. 178)

          “But if Professor Morrie Schwartz taught me anything at all, it was this: there is no such thing as 'too late' in life. He was changing until the day he said good-bye.” (pg. 190)

          One of Morrie’s favorite aphorisms was “Love each other, or perish.” And in our culture, we seem to have chosen the latter option. In my history classes, I teach my students that throughout history, nothing has united people like having a common enemy. But how much better would your little corner of the world be be if we united in a common love? It’s never too late to start, and there is no better place to start than wherever you already are.

This week’s Real Life Leading Practical Takeaway:

          Tomorrow, greet each person you see with a genuine smile and positive interaction, with no agenda and no distraction, and see what kind of response you get. Then email me and let me know how it goes.