Attitude

RLL 47: Mel's Mustang

Real Life Leading #47: Mel’s Mustang

This past week my wife made a surprise trip to Pensacola, Florida, to go see a couple of friends of our who were there. Because it was a short-notice thing, our friends paid for Mel to rent a car, and the only car available at this particular rental place (after the first place had no cars available) was a beautiful, almost brand-new 2018 Ford Mustang convertible…and MAN, was I jealous! Time for a little backstory…

Twenty years ago, my first car was a 1968 Ford Mustang. I’m not a ‘car guy’, familiar with all different makes and models and engine types; but I love Mustangs, and I always have. I also haven’t driven one since I sold mine right after my older daughter was born fourteen years ago. So when Mel got the opportunity to drive one to Florida, I will fully admit I was mostly just jealous.

Mel wasn’t at all sorry about getting to drive this car! Unfortunately, it looked like the weather might not cooperate with the convertible.

Mel wasn’t at all sorry about getting to drive this car! Unfortunately, it looked like the weather might not cooperate with the convertible.

Thankfully, that only lasted for a few minutes, because of something that happened in my brain and something Mel said: first, God reminded me that because I love Mustangs, I should be happy that my wife also gets to experience the awesomeness of driving one. And second, almost as if on cue, my wife smiled and me and said, “Would you like to drive it to the interstate to see me off before I go?” Would I?!? So I got to drive the Mustang. And it.was.glorious!

What’s the point of all of this? The point is twofold: first, that our mindset makes a tremendous difference in our reaction to things in life; and second, that the stories we tell ourselves shape what we believe about our circumstances.

If we constantly choose to focus on the negatives, we will quickly become overwhelmingly negative people. The truth is, if you’re reading this blog on a phone or computer or other device, you live in a place that has better technology than most of earth, and you have access to that technology, as do I. We have more access to food, healthcare, and shelter than most people who have ever existed. And, unfortunately, we too often forget that and need to be reminded of it.

I’m glad she even got to put the top down after the weather cleared up!

I’m glad she even got to put the top down after the weather cleared up!

During the summer of 2001, I spent three weeks on a mission trip to Honduras, most of it in a village with no electricity or running water. The people I met there were the most generous people I’ve ever met in my life, even though they were also the poorest in terms of material goods and ease-of-life. As a result of that trip, when I came home, I was more aware of the tremendous blessings we have. For example, after three weeks of using barrel-caught rainwater and a hollow gourd for bathing, I was thankful for hot, running water and access to a variety of food. These sound like simple things, but they shouldn’t be taken for granted.

By the way, the friends that Mel went to Florida to see? The reason they were there is because they had twins born twelve weeks early, and those babies had been in the NICU since the summer. Mel was meeting our friends in Florida so that the parents could both ride home together in the van with their kids (they also have a toddler), while Mel drove their other car back to Birmingham. After over three months in the NICU, the babies were on their first trip home. Their parents were filled with joy, and we’re glad Mel was able to help them out. As for me, you better believe that whenever I think of what they’ve been through, I hug my daughters a little tighter. I hope you all will do the same today.

Action Step: Today, make a brief list, mental or on paper, of things that you have to be thankful for. Then encourage someone around you to do the same, and see how it lifts your spirits and your hearts.

Beginnings and Endings

RLL 45: Beginnings and Endings

Happy Sunday, everyone, and I hope you’ve had an amazing week! Mine was quite busy (as usual), and I’m excited to share with you some of the experiences I had and also some of the lessons I learned.

My younger daughter and I, back when she was still too young to play in our local league.

My younger daughter and I, back when she was still too young to play in our local league.

Each fall for most of the last decade, one or both of my daughters has played soccer in our local church’s youth league, and I have been their coach. Yesterday, my older daughter got her first experience as a referee in the same league, and my younger daughter is now in her last season of eligibility before she ages out of the program. This is a time transition for them and for me, as they continue to get older.

Thankfully, yesterday I had an opportunity to be reminded of why I have spent so much time coaching youth soccer (and especially my daughters’ teams). Each season I tell the parents that I have three goals for our team, and none of them involve winning soccer games. You may ask why we play, if not to win; well, please don’t misunderstand me: I LOVE to win. At anything and everything. But when it comes to youth sports, winning is not the main thing. For me, youth sports involve the three goals I referenced above: 1) I want the kids to HAVE FUN, because if they do, they’ll continue playing and they’ll enjoy themselves at each practice and game; 2) I want the kids to LEARN something about the game, because then I know I’ve done my job at each practice and game; and 3) I want the kids to WORK hard, because then their parents are happy!

None of those three goals involves winning a soccer game, but if we do those things each and every time we play, then our season will be a success. These kids are 9-11 years old, so no one is winning scholarships or awards or anything like that; so winning games shouldn’t be our main focus. What we are there to do is to teach character through competition. We still keep score, and there is a tournament at the end of the season whose winner gets a trophy. So the competition is very real; but it’s also a great reminder that winning is not the ultimate end.

My younger daughter and I yesterday, on her last “First Day” of the season. Time flies!

My younger daughter and I yesterday, on her last “First Day” of the season. Time flies!

For anyone who is competitive, though, the temptation to “win at all costs” is always there: in youth soccer, in life, in business, and everywhere else. What I’ve found is that coaching youth soccer is as much about character development for myself (and the other coaches and parents) as it is for the children. How often have we witnessed parents yelling horrible things at each other or at officials, over a game being played by kids in elementary school? I know myself well enough to know that I have the potential to be that parent, if my emotions aren’t kept in check. That’s not fun to admit, but I do know it’s true. So for me, coaching the kids is about helping them, and it’s about helping myself grow.

What’s the point? Just this: we all need to continue to foster growth in ourselves, and one of the best ways to do that is to help others grow. It’s hard to expect children to do well if we are setting a poor example. And when we do mess up, it’s important that we set a good example in how to apologize, ask forgiveness, and try to make things right (and I had an opportunity to do those things yesterday, too; not something I’m proud of).

This week, ask yourself two questions: 1) how am I continuing to develop my own character? and 2) how can I help others grow as well?

As always, I’d love to know what you come up with! Also as always, please feel free to share this with anyone you think needs it! Come by the website and sign up to receive your free copy of my ebook called ‘(Extra)Ordinary Leadership: 10 Things Dad Taught Me Without Saying Anything’. Have a great week, and keep leading!

RLL 44: Leading in the Midst of Busy

Real Life Leading #44: Leading in the Midst of Busy

This week has been crazy: following a long holiday weekend there's been school, soccer practice, podcast interviews, prepping for upcoming events...oh yeah, and also wanting to still spend time with my wife and daughters! I'm sure for some of you it's been the same way. So the question is: how do we make sure that we're doing what we're supposed to, even in the midst of busy? Here are a couple quick tips to consider.

Me and my partner-in-life: my wife, who helps me get everything done, even when I don't fully realize how much she's helped!

Me and my partner-in-life: my wife, who helps me get everything done, even when I don't fully realize how much she's helped!

1) Prioritize what needs prioritizing, and stick with it. For me, each day begins with a routine that involves reading my Bible. I get up, let the dogs out, feed them, and then read by Bible while they're eating. I know that if I don't read my Bible early, then it's not likely to happen. I also know that I need that time to spend in reading and prayer in order to get myself prepared for the day. So, look at what HAS to get done, and make that your priority so that when things get busy, it still gets done.

2) Make a list. I tell people all the time, "If I don't write it down, it doesn't exist in my world." If I don't put it on a list, it probably won't get done. I have, right now, about six different post-its on my desk of various lists that need to be addressed in the next week or two. Write down what needs to get done so that things don't fall through the cracks.

3) Enlist help. Whenever possible, get help to accomplish everything, especially when you feel overwhelmed. Better yet, don't wait until you feel overwhelmed! I often ask my wife if I can help her; and she's great about doing the same for me. At school, sometimes I ask my student-assistant to make copies, etc, so I have more time to do other tasks (typically things like grading essays and other fun things like that). Ask for help! It's not a sign of weakness, it's a sign that you trust the people you're asking.

Just a sample of the lists of things on my desk!

Just a sample of the lists of things on my desk!

4) Be ok if something is left undone. Rarely do I accomplish every task on my list within the original timeframe I've given myself. I purposely try to overload my list and then prioritize it, so that what HAS to get done does; and then everything else that gets done is bonus. Also, just take a moment to realize that much of what we think HAS to get done really doesn't. The world won't end, the sky won't fall, and we'll be ok if some things get pushed back. Give yourself the freedom to let things wait.

5) Schedule time to relax! I had a pretty big list for this weekend, and I am thankful to have gotten most of it done. But the best part of the weekend so far? Catching up on sleep! My wife and I took a 2+ hour nap yesterday, and it was possible because we had planned to have time to relax after finishing up other tasks. You need time to unwind, or you'll burn out. So, make "relaxing" part of your "to do" list!

I hope everyone else has had a great week, and I'd love to hear about it! As always, please feel free to share this and pass it on to anyone you think needs it. In the meantime, please be in prayer for me as I get ready to present at a conference in Florida this week and also do more podcast interviews. If I can do anything for you, email me and let me know. Thanks!